Good to hear

Even though I realize the new Arizona immigration law is the more important topic in this article on Huffington Post, I'm glad to hear that Ricky Martin got a standing ovation when appearing (for the first time since announcing he's gay) at the Billboard Latin Music Awards. I've always heard/read that the Latin community is full of machisimo and I wondered if that would come into play in their acceptance of him being gay.

At least in this case, they still love him.

Self Analysis

I recently went to see The Lion King. It was my second time to see it--the first time probably being about 7 or so years ago.

I still would very much recommend it to anyone. It's an extremely creative production. The costumes and methods they use are nothing short of spectacular.

That said, I also found that I enjoyed it less the second time. While most things must bear the law of diminishing returns, I'm not sure that fully explains the reason. My initial reaction was that I didn't remember how kid-oriented the show is--but upon further reflection of my past, that formerly would have been one of the reasons I loved it so much...

People always comment upon what a happy person I am...always smiling, always pleasant, never gets angry. To me this actually might be more along the lines of how happy I appear to be...

Nonetheless, over the past couple of years I am starting to notice what I would term as a slight loss with my 'inner child'...which in some respects saddens me.

Certainly, growing up gay and in the closet, living a sheltered and religious-oriented life in the south, and then moving to the northeast (which has some considerable differences in how people behave), would definitely be expected to cause some growth.

...and growth of course is a good thing; but if my ability (or nature) to tap into a child-like wonder gets diminished in the process, I'm not so sure it's advancement.

I want to be wise and learn from my experiences...not become bitter and resentful from them.

This is not to say that I'm bitter and resentful, but I want to stay mindful of acheiving the balance that can potentially bring me more complete happiness...

There's also some consideration of where we gays fit into the whole "circle of life" concept, but I'll save that for another post.

All that said...anyone wanting to get in touch with their inner child, should go see The Lion King.

Weird and Random

I realized on a recent birthday that only my straight friends called or emailed to wish me a happy birthday. Not one of my gay friends did. It didn't hurt my feelings or make me feel angry--just something I noted as slightly interesting.

What's going on?

I recently called my mother while my partner and I were driving back from a weekend in New York.

As I mentioned that I was returning from a weekend get away, there was an opportunity for me to elaborate more about my life. Tell her who I went with (at least by name if not by label), talk about one of the shows I went to see (which had a gay theme), etc.

There was also an opportunity for her to ask questions about my weekend. Who did I go with, what did I do while I was there, etc.

Neither of us took this opportunity. I sometimes wonder...does she sense my hesitation to sometimes divulge information, or would she rather not know?

Fun with Politics -- Mike Huckabee

Dear Mr. Huckabee,

You might want to reconsider your advice to gays that "children are not puppies".

Considering this, it probably makes more sense to direct that to anyone interested in being a parent.

Losing my religion?

My nephew's mother is concerned about the girl he is dating. He is 19 and a freshman in college.

His mother's quote. "I don't think she's the one for him. I'm afraid her faith is not as deep as his..."

Louis, Louis! - Bringing it home on DWTS

Louis Van Amstel definitely gets the "Reach out and touch Middle America" award for his marriage equality message/performance on Dancing with the Stars.

I was moved and am more of a fan than ever. Way to go!

Check it out!

What if...

I have a clear memory of lying in my bed one night...maybe around 14 or 15 years old...and deciding that I should walk into my parents bedroom and tell them that I was gay.

My parent's bedroom was next to mine, and I spent quite a bit of time in there as they were preparing to go to bed for the evening. We had many good conversations during this recurring period.

I remember feeling strongly enough about it to start to push myself up from my bed...but for some reason I didn't.

This now seems like one of those moments that, if I had acted differently, would have created a major shift in the course of my life.

What kept me from going to them...and what about my life would be different today if I had?

Would the result have been better or worse than what I have today?

How do they not know?

I received an UnderGear catalog in the mail the other day. For those of you not familiar with this catalog, at least those of you who are male, I can say with some certainty that you are not gay.

UnderGear and International Male are two clothing catalogs that offer styles that are, shall we say, a little more daring than what men can find at Gap or Banana Republic. In addition to that, the men are beautiful and in incredible shape. You can tell this from the fact that the majority of their bodies are exposed on most every page.

Suffice it to say that these catalogs (which I believe are from the same parent company) are the 13 year old gay boy's equivalent to what the Victoria's Secret catalog is to straight boys.

Growing up I had quite a collection of these catalogs, and yes, from time to time did actually order some of their clothes--but my orders where far out of proportion with the size of my catalog collection.

For some reason, I never hid this collection. I guess since it was a legitimate clothing catalog I felt safe to have them around? In hindsight, one thinks it would be clear why a young man would show such interest in these pictures, but I guess my family never noticed...or decided not to notice.

Self Analysis

For some reason I always seem to feel somewhat transitory or unable to "put down roots".

Perhaps this comes from the fact that I'm not out to my family. They wonder why I don't move back to my hometown, and I hesitate to find a house I would like to live in forever, since that would potentially cause a more explanatory conversation.

When I moved away from my home town, it was supposed to be temporary. Now more than ten years later, I have no intention of going back, but cannot share with my family the reasons why. Even when those reasons are the facts that I have found a partner in life and am happier than I've ever been.

Also, perhaps there is something about the gay lifestyle not fitting into the social norms that gives me this transitory feeling. I know many other gay couples have bought the "house with the picket fence", and even had the 2.3 children. Whether they are trying to fit in or actually are, I'm not sure. I just know that for some reason I haven't yet learned how to settle...