I recently attended a same-sex wedding for some friends of mine (really more acquaintances than friends, but was honored that they included me and my man on the invite list).
This was a legal marriage held in Massachusetts.
I found that the experience has made me more of a marriage equality supporter than I was before. I've never been against it, but have been somewhat neutral on the issue. (Maybe I'll write a 'Self-Analysis' post with more thoughts on that later...)
There were several points in the ceremony what caused me to "tear-up". Both sets of parents walking down the aisle as the ceremony began, brothers of both of the grooms in the wedding party, and a sister doing a reading. The sister read the same scripture her brother read at her wedding.
I can't imagine my family ever participating in anything like that...especially my sister.
I also found the vows and exchanging of rings quite emotional. The public proclomation of their love, and the promise of committment on the journey.
I think the overriding factor in my experience was the feeling of acceptance that it gave. Acceptance by the families of the grooms, acceptance by the state government and at least some part of society. Acceptance that this relationship, this love, this lifetime together was valid.
I don't mean to say (and hope that I don't somewhere down deep feel) that I need validation for my love and my relationship...but it does mean something to have it. Even though great strides have been made over the years, I feel that gays do in many ways live a separate life from much of "main street" society. I feel more strongly now that marriage is helping us take a step out onto that street...and there's no reason we shouldn't be there...
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Funny or Scary?
Definitely scary to me that a significant portion of the population finds him relevant.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saying it out loud...
As I've obviously stated through the title of this blog, I consider myself to be middle-aged. Some of my friends (who notably are the same age as me), have said that 'middle-aged' is a little older than I am...but in doing the math, I think I'm there.
Anyway, and in getting to the title of this post, some things are likely best left bouncing around inside of my mind, rather than said out loud--but at the same time, maybe some things should be said out loud. Posts under this title (either today or in the future) will probably contain both...
I many times wonder if I'm accomplishing enough in my life. When I'm having a lazy weekend, I sometimes chide myself for not doing something more productive. What's the balance between a life enjoyed and a life of accomplishment...and which is the better?
In my life so far, I have thought about but chosen not to pursue having and raising a child or children. I feel that I still have time for this, but would not bring a child into my life without being completely out to my family. But as I think about my accomplishments (and about children), I wonder if having and raising a child gives people a default (almost assigned by society) purpose in life?
Certainly it is a worthy and valiant purpose in life. To have responsibility for another being is one of the most significant responsibilities in life. To give that being an environment in which they can flourish, in which they are safe and in which they may become a significant member of society.
While this need for a purpose in life, certainly seems to be part of "the burden of being upright", is it possible to go as far as to consider that it's an instinct that perpetuates the continuation of the species? Having a child provides a purpose and ensures the survival of the human race.
Definitely a subject that deserves some thought...at least for me...
Anyway, and in getting to the title of this post, some things are likely best left bouncing around inside of my mind, rather than said out loud--but at the same time, maybe some things should be said out loud. Posts under this title (either today or in the future) will probably contain both...
I many times wonder if I'm accomplishing enough in my life. When I'm having a lazy weekend, I sometimes chide myself for not doing something more productive. What's the balance between a life enjoyed and a life of accomplishment...and which is the better?
In my life so far, I have thought about but chosen not to pursue having and raising a child or children. I feel that I still have time for this, but would not bring a child into my life without being completely out to my family. But as I think about my accomplishments (and about children), I wonder if having and raising a child gives people a default (almost assigned by society) purpose in life?
Certainly it is a worthy and valiant purpose in life. To have responsibility for another being is one of the most significant responsibilities in life. To give that being an environment in which they can flourish, in which they are safe and in which they may become a significant member of society.
While this need for a purpose in life, certainly seems to be part of "the burden of being upright", is it possible to go as far as to consider that it's an instinct that perpetuates the continuation of the species? Having a child provides a purpose and ensures the survival of the human race.
Definitely a subject that deserves some thought...at least for me...
Monday, July 12, 2010
Decision Points
Had an interesting interaction with a new colleague at work today. This new colleague is also a manager in the same department and he invited me to lunch so we could start to build a relationship and he could learn more about working with my group.
At one point the conversation turned to small talk and he asked me if I was married. I said no. He said "Really, why not?"
In the moment I initially found this to be a little invasive, but after a slight hesitation I ultimately decided to not go down the path of some vague or evasive answer.
My response was, "Well, I have a partner but it's not legal for us to get married. I'm gay."
He was very kind about it and answered with something along the lines of "Yeah, that sucks."
I'm not sure what caused this tiny moment of bravery, considering the only other time we had spoken was during his interview.
It was a good example of how gay people don't just come out once, but need to do so again and again--many times to people they hardly know. I don't know that it was any huge milestone for me personally...but I am a bit proud to have just been honest about it.
At one point the conversation turned to small talk and he asked me if I was married. I said no. He said "Really, why not?"
In the moment I initially found this to be a little invasive, but after a slight hesitation I ultimately decided to not go down the path of some vague or evasive answer.
My response was, "Well, I have a partner but it's not legal for us to get married. I'm gay."
He was very kind about it and answered with something along the lines of "Yeah, that sucks."
I'm not sure what caused this tiny moment of bravery, considering the only other time we had spoken was during his interview.
It was a good example of how gay people don't just come out once, but need to do so again and again--many times to people they hardly know. I don't know that it was any huge milestone for me personally...but I am a bit proud to have just been honest about it.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Self Analysis
So...I know in the scheme of things I am quite lucky. I have a good job with good pay and benefits. I have my health, a great partner, and good friends. I'll even go as far as putting my family in this "good" category even though we have the current gap between them knowing me fully and what our relationship would be if they did (I've covered some aspects of that in previous posts).
However, I still have times when I'm frustrated and asking myself...am I truly happy...am I making a difference...am I where I should be at this point in my life...why do I not feel that I'm living a fulfilled life? The questions that seem to lead many into a mid-life crisis.
If fact this past weekend, my friends and I were (half-jokingly) discussing if we had ever been through a mid-life crisis, and if so, what was it. Humorously enough, we decided we should coordinate any future mid-life crisis to occur as a group during a year we could spend travelling the world. If only...
When I'm thinking about this it always occurs to me that I don't feel that I have a passion in life. Which strikes me as quite sad. One of my major goals in life has been to become financially independent. Do something that will make me enough money to not have to worry about financial matters ever again.
...but...I also wonder if I were to identify my passion in life would I care as much about what I perceive as financial burdens--or material wants and needs. Is finding and acting upon your passion what leads to a more fulfilling life?
What does it mean that I haven't uncovered my life's passion at my age? I think it may be due to my fear of failure...which affects many areas of my life. Have I not found my passion because my fear keeps me from opening myself up to the opportunities needed to find it? ...or am I emotionally "stunted" in some other way?
However, I still have times when I'm frustrated and asking myself...am I truly happy...am I making a difference...am I where I should be at this point in my life...why do I not feel that I'm living a fulfilled life? The questions that seem to lead many into a mid-life crisis.
If fact this past weekend, my friends and I were (half-jokingly) discussing if we had ever been through a mid-life crisis, and if so, what was it. Humorously enough, we decided we should coordinate any future mid-life crisis to occur as a group during a year we could spend travelling the world. If only...
When I'm thinking about this it always occurs to me that I don't feel that I have a passion in life. Which strikes me as quite sad. One of my major goals in life has been to become financially independent. Do something that will make me enough money to not have to worry about financial matters ever again.
...but...I also wonder if I were to identify my passion in life would I care as much about what I perceive as financial burdens--or material wants and needs. Is finding and acting upon your passion what leads to a more fulfilling life?
What does it mean that I haven't uncovered my life's passion at my age? I think it may be due to my fear of failure...which affects many areas of my life. Have I not found my passion because my fear keeps me from opening myself up to the opportunities needed to find it? ...or am I emotionally "stunted" in some other way?
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